We often lament the lack of older women represented on screen and across media in general, but when we say ‘older women’ – what exactly do we mean? 50s? 60s? 70s?
What about women in their 80s, or 90s? Why don’t we hear more from them? They’ve lived longer than the rest of us, so wouldn’t they have words of wisdom to impart? Shouldn’t we elevate their advice the way we elevate the advice of confidence gurus and motivational speakers?
One of Hollywood’s best and funniest actors, Julia Louis-Dreyfus launched a new podcast “Wiser than Me” a few months ago where she asked famous women who are older than her (Louis-Dreyfus is 62) about their thoughts on ageing, ambition, regrets and (my favourite) — sex.
Because why don’t we hear more about older women and their sex lives? It’s not like sexual appetite diminishes when the patriarchal world tells you you’re no longer sexually desirable, right?
This was what got me hooked onto the show — Louis-Dreyfus’ question to her first guest on Ep 1: Jane Fonda, who is 85. “Do you miss having sex with a man?”
Fonda was speaking about her decision to no longer partner up with a man because she doesn’t think she can “totally be myself in a romantic relationship with a man.”
“Since my very beginning of my life I think I was conditioned to not be who I am in order to make a man love me,” Fonda said.
Ep. 2’s guest, Isabel Allende, 80, is also asked about sex.
“Do you like to have sex?” Louis-Dreyfus asked.
“Yes,” the famous author replied.
“Has sex changed for you as you’ve gotten older?” Louis-Dreyfus asked.
“Of course, of course it has changed and also I have an 80 year old husband, we are not spring chickens. I enjoy sex with marijuana especially.”
I mean, who doesn’t want to hear more about women in their 80s, enjoying sex with their husbands and getting high on chocolate covered blueberries with weed in them? And did you know that Jane Fonda cherishes her “drawer-full of vibrators?” — you’ve gotta listen to Ep. 1 to hear the whole story!
The vulnerability of the guests keeps me coming back and devouring each episode. Louis-Dreyfus asks candid questions that invite genuine conversations about the most important parts of life.
Do they have regrets? What would they go back to tell their 21-year old selves? What would they go back and say yes to? No to?
Guests include American author Amy Tan, 71, legendary actor comedian Carol Burnett, 90, fashion icon Diane Von Furstenberg, 76 and American writer, Fran Lebowitz, 72.
“We just don’t hear enough about the lives of older women,” Louis-Dreyfus bemoans in her podcast.
“When women become older, they become less visible, less heard, less seen, in way that just doesn’t happen with men. We are ignoring the wisdom of half the population.”
My greatest champions and emotional supporters have always been women, especially older women. They have guided me towards better decisions, and encouraged me when my heart was weary with defeat.
Listening to all these incredible women talk openly on this podcast about their lives and reflecting upon it with grace, serenity, dignity and humour has made me embrace my gender, even if I frequently find myself wishing I were a man, only because I know I’d almost certainly have a much easier life.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus caps off each Ep. with a short, spirited conversation with her own mother, poet Judith Bowles, 89, where they reflect on the conversation that’s just been had — a clever coda to a show about admiring and celebrating the opinions of our female elders.
Listen to the show, “Wiser than Me”, here.