A man has gone viral on TikTok for his “take on dating” – and it may not be what you immediately assume.
While the video sharing platform is filled with men (and women) telling keen listeners what men look for in women on a first date, how women should present themselves and what they should/shouldn’t do or say, Dylan Barnett from Queensland has a different take.
In his video, Barnett paints a picture of the reality – that many women have been affected by violence in their lifetime.
“You know what really shocked me being back in the dating world?” he said.
“Every second woman I have met has been physically abused before. Every second woman I have met has been sexually abused before.
“And every second woman I have met has been on a date where they were expected to do a sexual act and it resulted in aggression towards them.”
Barnett’s view checks out. In Australia, one in six women have experienced physical and/or sexual violence by a current or former partner since the age of 15. One in four women have experienced emotional abuse since the age of 15, while one in six have experienced economic abuse. The rate of abuse for women is much higher than for men.
“I had no f**king idea this was going on and this is a failure between most men in the dating world,” Barnett said.
It’s disappointing that Barnett had “no idea” how common it is for women to be victim-survivors of abuse by an intimate partner. It shows that while the conversation around gender-based violence and intimate partner violence is gaining momentum, it can always be louder.
But in any case, it’s about time we hear a man tell this truth. Because it maps out the road for action for the future, and spotlights just how long it’s going to be.
Barnett spoke with news.com.au and revealed that, after posting the video, he received messages from men who had viewed his TikTok “trying to justify” their own acts of violence towards women and “why it’s ok to hit a woman”.
Some reasons that these men gave were that “she started the argument” or she “plays the victim”.
“Some of the stuff that I have been told that men do and what men write is absolutely disgusting, and coming from a male, I’m absolutely appalled at some of other men’s behaviour in the dating world,” Barnett said in his TikTok video, which now has more than 430,000 views.
“I’m not saying this to suck up to women, I’m not saying this to simp. I’m saying this as a human being and a real man. I do not condone any of that fucking behaviour whatsoever. I think it’s absolutely disgusting.”
This is the other problem that Barnett’s video highlights. There is a perception that men will call themselves feminists or show an interest in women’s issues just to score a date with a woman.
There’s even a whole TikTok trend making fun of male allies, or men who pretend to be allies, according to the videos.
That’s why Barnett’s video appeals so much. There’s no sarcasm, no facade, no ulterior motive – just a man calling out systematic societal failures and admitting he along with men in the dating world are part of the problem.
“Thank you for acknowledging it. You have no idea how much it is appreciated x,” one person commented on Barnett’s TikTok video.
“Thank you. One of the ways to help is be part of the voice. Hold your friends accountable if something they say doesn’t sound up to scratch to you,” another said.
“Thank you for calling this behaviour out!! We need men to speak out,” a third wrote.
If you or someone you know is experiencing, or at risk of experiencing, domestic, family or sexual violence call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, chat online via 1800RESPECT.org.au or text 0458 737 732.
If you are concerned about your behaviour or use of violence, you can contact the Men’s Referral Service on 1300 766 491 or visit www.ntv.org.au.
Feeling worried or no good? No shame, no judgement, safe place to yarn. Speak to a 13YARN Crisis Supporter, call 13 92 76. This service is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
In an emergency, call 000.
PHOTO CREDIT: TikTok