You might’ve heard the stereotype that feminists are just angry women who need to find a man who can satisfy them sexually. It is an old trope that has been with us since at least the 1970s.

Unfortunately, just when we think we may have moved on from toxic myths like these, rhetoric reminds us they are still very much around.

United States Sen. Ted Cruz tried to revive this cliché in recent comments at a conservative conference. He suggested that liberal women are sexually unsatisfied because liberal men are too wimpy: “If you were a liberal woman, and you had to sleep with those weenies, you’d be pissed too.” He implied that they will only achieve sexual satisfaction by submitting to domineering men.

I have conducted research on the topic of feminist identity and sexual behaviour, and I’ve got news for Cruz and anyone else worried about women’s sexual satisfaction. There is no sex drought for feminist women; they have sex just as often as non-feminists. In fact, feminist women report their sex is more cuddly, loving and pleasurable — some might say better — than those who are not feminists.

Thanks for your concern, Sen. Cruz, but we’re doing just fine.

Feminists report having better sex

In 2022, I surveyed a representative sample of 2,303 adults across Canada and I analyzed the responses of the 1,126 women who took part. Respondents were asked about their sexual activities, both alone and with a partner.

I found that women who identified as feminist and non-feminist both reported high levels of sexual satisfaction. However, women who claimed a feminist identity were more likely to report their most recent sexual encounter included kissing and cuddling than non-feminist women.

Among women, 57 per cent of non-feminists said their most recent sexual encounter included kissing and cuddling, compared to 68 per cent of feminists. This data suggests that feminists are not sad and lonely, but they are engaging in loving, enjoyable sex to a greater extent than non-feminists.

The clitoris is where it’s at

One difference between feminist and non-feminist women that stood out the most in my research relates to the pleasure centre of the female body: the clitoris. Feminists were more likely to report receiving clitoral stimulation in the form of oral sex from their partner: 38 per cent of feminist women, compared to 30 per cent of non-feminist women, said they received oral sex in their last encounter.

Clitoral stimulation is the path to sexual pleasure and orgasms for women, feminist or not. However, sometimes sex — especially in heterosexual couples — pays more attention to male pleasure, focusing primarily on stimulation of the penis through vaginal penetration. Clitoral stimulation, such as with mouths, hands or sex toys, gets less attention. Sometimes we give short shrift to clitoral stimulation, relegating it to foreplay, or somehow outside of what counts as “regular sex.”

Shouldn’t women have as much access to sexual pleasure as men? There is abundant evidence, in the case of heterosexual couples, that there is a gender gap in orgasms, with women having fewer orgasms than men. A feminist sensibility might consider it obvious that women should have as much sexual pleasure as men, and their sexual behaviours reflect that ideal.

Why might feminists have better sex?

Many women see feminism as a source of self-actualization and empowerment, and the link between feminist identity and better sex might be quite simple: Feminists know what they want in bed and are more likely to feel empowered to ask for it.

Feminists are more likely to be in social circles with other feminist friends, and they might be more comfortable talking about sex and pleasure, giving them a chance to discover what they want from sexual encounters. Indeed, my survey also found that feminist women also pleasure themselves more frequently than non-feminists.

Perhaps they are more likely to have sexual partners who are also feminist. We know that feminist men who have sex with women are more likely to give oral sex to their partners, tending to the clitoral stimulation of their sexual partners to a greater extent than non-feminist men do.

Heterosexual feminist women might be more likely to have feminist men partners than non-feminists do, so they might have greater access to more generous lovers. Women who have sex with women are also more likely to receive oral sex than women with men partners.

Whether it is through personal empowerment, better communication or sexual partners who are willing to give them what they need, feminists are having sex that is kissy, cuddly and stimulating.

So, contrary to Cruz’s pronouncements on the subject, feminists have sex just as often as non-feminists, and the sex they have is often loving and pleasurable. It’s time to let go of hateful stereotypes. Let’s lean into the idea that satisfying sex should be available to everyone.

Tina Fetner, Professor, Sociology, McMaster University

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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“We started telling stories to each other about things that boys we knew had done, and after a few hours, it became apparent that there was no end to these stories– no end to the sort of things that had been perpetrated by these boys, who are now men, who were still very much in our lives, in our social circles,” Contos told Tarla Lambert on a recent episode of the Women’s Agenda podcast, The Crux. 

Being with close friends, Contos felt comfortable enough to share the name of the perpetrator who had sexually assaulted her when she was thirteen years old. Later, however, it was revealed that Contos’ perpetrator had done the same thing to one of her friends a year afterwards. 

“It’s a classic thing with women– so often, and they still find this when they research reporting trends and things like that– a large reason for wanting to report or act on these sort of things is to prevent it happening to other women rather than focusing on yourself as an individual,” said Contos, adding that she’d felt disappointed in herself for not reporting the sexual assault and potentially protecting her friend.

Nevertheless, Contos knew she couldn’t have done anything as she hadn’t even known what ‘consent’ was at the time

“It took me until I did have consent education to understand that an act of sexual intimacy without consent is not an act of sexual intimacy,” says Contos.

Following this, in 2021, Contos posted on Instagram in what she describes as a “moment of anger”, hoping to better understand if anyone else could relate to her experience. 

She asked people to share their stories of sexual assault during their school years, in what became a viral post, that saw 7000 people send in testimonies describing behaviour that constituted rape. 

“I was very taken aback and heartwarmed by how many people sent in their stories for the benefit of a future generation,” she says.

Consent Laid Bare

Since witnessing how overwhelmingly prevalent sexual assault has become in Australian society, Contos has been a fierce advocate for consent education. 

She launched an online petition to make consent education mandatory in Australian schools, which attracted 45,000 signatures and saw education ministers from around the country unanimously agree to the demand one year later.

With her platform, teachusconsent.com, which allows people to anonymously share their experiences of sexual assault, Contos has spurred a movement to end rape culture in Australia.

Now, she’s written a book, Consent Laid Bare, advocating for affirmative and enthusiastic consent to be the mainstream. In her writing, Contos argues that when it comes to sex, we are still working with an outdated social contract that privileges men’s pleasure at the expense of women’s humanity.

“When entitlement outweighs empathy, the entitlement to another person’s body outweighs the empathy they feel towards that person– that is when sexual violence occurs,” explains Contos. “If you’re being empathetic to a person in a sexual situation, you can never violate consent.”

She says the mission of her book is to increase the capabilities of young people to be able to properly engage in consent, noting that this isn’t limited to “asking for consent” but includes encouraging girls and women to seek sex that is truly enjoyable. 

Contos adds that her book has a “very strengths-based approach in the idea of mutual pleasure and true desire being the driver of our sexual activity, rather than any form of pressure, whether that’s coming from external forces or internal forces, or the person in front of you.”

“One of the biggest things we need to just throw out the window is that women are meant to be passive in sexual encounters, and that sex isn’t meant to feel good for us,” says Contos.

“If you are focusing on the experience of the person that you are intimate with and caring what that is and making sure that you’re valuing that above your own experience, then there’s just no way that anything could ever go wrong.”

Consent Laid Bare by Chanel Contos is available from all bookstores and online on 12 September 2023.

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What about women in their 80s, or 90s? Why don’t we hear more from them? They’ve lived longer than the rest of us, so wouldn’t they have words of wisdom to impart? Shouldn’t we elevate their advice the way we elevate the advice of confidence gurus and motivational speakers?

One of Hollywood’s best and funniest actors, Julia Louis-Dreyfus launched a new podcast “Wiser than Me” a few months ago where she asked famous women who are older than her (Louis-Dreyfus is 62) about their thoughts on ageing, ambition, regrets and (my favourite) — sex. 

Because why don’t we hear more about older women and their sex lives? It’s not like sexual appetite diminishes when the patriarchal world tells you you’re no longer sexually desirable, right?

This was what got me hooked onto the show — Louis-Dreyfus’ question to her first guest on Ep 1: Jane Fonda, who is 85. “Do you miss having sex with a man?” 

Fonda was speaking about her decision to no longer partner up with a man because she doesn’t think she can “totally be myself in a romantic relationship with a man.”

“Since my very beginning of my life I think I was conditioned to not be who I am in order to make a man love me,” Fonda said. 

Ep. 2’s guest, Isabel Allende, 80, is also asked about sex.

“Do you like to have sex?” Louis-Dreyfus asked. 

“Yes,” the famous author replied.

“Has sex changed for you as you’ve gotten older?” Louis-Dreyfus asked.

“Of course, of course it has changed and also I have an 80 year old husband, we are not spring chickens. I enjoy sex with marijuana especially.”

I mean, who doesn’t want to hear more about women in their 80s, enjoying sex with their husbands and getting high on chocolate covered blueberries with weed in them? And did you know that Jane Fonda cherishes her “drawer-full of vibrators?” — you’ve gotta listen to Ep. 1 to hear the whole story!

The vulnerability of the guests keeps me coming back and devouring each episode. Louis-Dreyfus asks candid questions that invite genuine conversations about the most important parts of life. 

Do they have regrets? What would they go back to tell their 21-year old selves? What would they go back and say yes to? No to? 

Guests include American author Amy Tan, 71, legendary actor comedian Carol Burnett, 90, fashion icon Diane Von Furstenberg, 76 and American writer, Fran Lebowitz, 72.

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“We just don’t hear enough about the lives of older women,” Louis-Dreyfus bemoans in her podcast. 

“When women become older, they become less visible, less heard, less seen, in way that just doesn’t happen with men. We are ignoring the wisdom of half the population.” 

My greatest champions and emotional supporters have always been women, especially older women. They have guided me towards better decisions, and encouraged me when my heart was weary with defeat. 

Listening to all these incredible women talk openly on this podcast about their lives and reflecting upon it with grace, serenity, dignity and humour has made me embrace my gender, even if I frequently find myself wishing I were a man, only because I know I’d almost certainly have a much easier life. 

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Julia Louis-Dreyfus caps off each Ep. with a short, spirited conversation with her own mother, poet Judith Bowles, 89, where they reflect on the conversation that’s just been had — a clever coda to a show about admiring and celebrating the opinions of our female elders. 

Listen to the show, “Wiser than Me”, here. 

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Sex researchers consistently find that men are having far more orgasms than women when it comes to heterosexual sexual encounters.

This is called the gender gap in orgasms, or the orgasm gap. There are many myths and assumptions about why women orgasm less. Some of the more popular ones are that women take too much time to reach orgasm, women don’t actually care about having an orgasm, that getting a woman to orgasm takes more work and they’re harder to please.

But are women’s orgasms really too much work and, if not, why is this belief so prevalent?

Insights from the ‘Sex in Canada’ project

I recently published a study alongside sociologists Tina Fetner and Melanie Heath that questions these assumptions about women’s ability and desire to orgasm.

We used data from our nationally representative Sex in Canada survey to establish that there is a gender gap in orgasms — 86 per cent of cisgender men reported having an orgasm in their most recent heterosexual sexual encounter, compared to 62 per cent of cisgender women.

What reduced the gap among our sample? Oral sex.

The notion that women generally require some form of clitoral stimulation in order to reach orgasm has been documented by a number of sexualities researchers, but what’s unclear is why the gap persists despite knowing the importance of clitoral stimulation for women.

To understand this discrepancy, we conducted in-depth interviews with adult men and women across Canada to examine the underlying beliefs and feelings that deters couples from engaging in the types of sexual activities that would make it more likely for women to reach orgasm.

The role of gender essentialism

One of the reigning myths that helps maintain the orgasm gap is that there are inherent gender differences for why men and women have sex. Women are expected to inherently desire emotional connection and men are expected to inherently need physical release.

So feeling emotionally connected to one’s partner and whether women orgasm become mutually exclusive. This way of thinking isn’t new or isolated to the bedroom.

These explanations are what social scientists call “gender essentialism” — the belief that there are natural, biological and physical differences between men and women.

Gender essentialist beliefs have been used to justify a variety of gender inequalities, for example, those that attempt to solidify traditional gender distinctions that women belong in the home and men belong in workforce.

If we took essentialist beliefs at face value, it would seem that women simply don’t want to orgasm since they require emotional connection over sexual pleasure. But is it really the case that women don’t want to orgasm during partnered sex with men?

Our research suggests that these beliefs about women’s orgasms have less to do with women’s inherent inability or lack of desire to orgasm, and more to do with the way gender norms shape and limit expectations.

The role of heteronormativity

The orgasm gap is not just about gender, it’s also about heteronormativity. Our participants defined “regular sex” as penile-vaginal intercourse. This definition means that our participants see sex as being centred on stimulation of the penis, rather than the clitoris.

Our study shows that heteronormative conception of “regular sex” results in other sexual practices that prioritize clitoral stimulation — like oral sex — as alternative sexual practices to the main event.

It also means that other sexual practices feel like extra work, separate, time-consuming and challenging, despite supporting women’s likelihood of achieving orgasm.

Bad feelings about potentially great sex for women

A consequence of the belief that sex is about “emotional connection” for women, and defining what it means to “have sex” as penile-vaginal intercourse, is that it limits the types of sexual practices women engage in, and these beliefs shape the feelings women have about other types of sexual practices.

For instance, some of our participants described other sexual practices, especially oral sex, as unnatural, bad or dirty.

As succinctly exemplified by our participant, Kathy: “I don’t do oral sex. It can be very pleasurable, but it feels wrong, it just makes me feel dirty.”

Women’s bad feelings about engaging in the types of sex that might bring them more physical pleasure shows the strength of the sexual double standard in which women are judged more harshly than men and taught to self-regulate their sexual desires and behaviours.

Putting sex on the agenda for gender equality

Beliefs about women’s bodies, what women want from sex and what it means to have sex in the first place all help justify why women aren’t reaching orgasm when having sex with men.

Fights for gender equality have tackled and refuted many gender essentialist beliefs, and yet the longstanding orgasm gap shows how gender essentialist beliefs still have a strong hold on the domain of heterosexual sexual encounters.

The orgasm gap highlights the ways in which gender inequality emerges even in the most seemingly private and personal encounters in heterosexual relationships.

Like other gender gaps, it is important to continue pushing past individual explanations and understand the gender gap in orgasms as a form of gender inequality.

Nicole Andrejek, Researcher, Sex in Canada Project, McMaster University

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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Breast cancer is the most commonly diagnosed form of cancer in Australia with 1 in 7 women diagnosed in their lifetime. So how can something that has such a huge impact on people’s personal lives be talked about so little? Professor Kate White and Breast Cancer Trials are here to spark the conversation, offer solutions and dispel myths around sex, body image and breast cancer.

As a Professor of Cancer Nursing from the Cancer Nursing Research Unit at the Sydney Nursing School, Professor White has over 20 years’ experience in caring for people and their families impacted by cancer. As well as leading the development of specialist postgraduate education in cancer and palliative care, she has developed innovative models for supporting those who live in rural and remote regions of Australia.

“Health professionals are comfortable and used to talking about the side effects of chemotherapy, like nausea and vomiting to patients, but many patients do not feel comfortable discussing the other side effects of treatment and how these may impact intimate relationships,” says Professor White.

For some women, talking about sex does not come naturally or easily, much less once they are feeling the effects of chemotherapy and other cancer treatments. “Not surprisingly, when your are struggling with fatigue, you really don’t feel like having sex,” says Professor White. “Many women think that they won’t ever be able to get back to a fulfilling sex life, but that is not true, there is help out there and there are things they can do to improve things.”

As the leader of a number of studies focused on reducing the impact of cancer treatments on sexuality, body image and intimacy, Professor White is passionate about breaking down the stigma around sexual health in relation to cancer, offering solutions to sexual concerns and helping patients break down communication barriers with their intimate partners.

“For some women, they say they don’t feel feminine anymore, so I always start with them having to come up with ten things that they like about themselves. It’s about reminding them about their positives,” says Professor White.

While patients may be aware of how more physical treatments such as a mastectomy or lumpectomy may affect their body image and sensory areas, the mental and physical toll of treatments such as hormone therapy and chemotherapy on libido are discussed less.

On top of the exhaustion many experience while going through these treatments, it is also the scarring, alterations on physical function and changes in libido and vaginal dryness that may cause a significant impact upon a patient’s wellbeing . Additionally, many younger women going through these treatments can experience early menopause quite suddenly, compared to the several years that the menopausal process might naturally take.

This sudden change in a patient’s body can feel quite unexpected, especially if they are not briefed on it by their health professionals or don’t feel confident or are too embarrassed to raise their concerns. But health professionals like Professor White and the team at Breast Cancer Trials are working hard to change this

For Breast Cancer Trials, that means hosting impactful community events like their next virtual Q&A Breast Cancer Trials: Let’s Talk About Sex. Bringing together some of Australia’s leading experts, viewers can send in any questions they have for the panel about breast cancer from libido changes to menopause, fertility issues, body issues, psychological impacts and the research aiming to improve each patient’s quality of life.

As for Professor White’s research, one of her key focuses is supporting women to become more confident in their bodies again. While things may not spring back to the exact same way they were before diagnosis, things don’t have to completely change forever.

“Communication is key and we work with women to help them workshop ways to talk through things with their partners and feel comfortable discussing how they are feeling. Key for both the woman and her partner is understanding why she may feel or experience intimacy differently, and what they could do to ensure it is comfortable and satisfying for them both. Information is often the first key step, this may include topics such as lubricants, vaginal moitsurisers, sex aids and other treatment options like vaginal estrogen, which can be very impactful for some women,” says White.

Professor White suggests thinking about who in your treatment team you feel comfortable talking to and flag in advance that you would like an extra time to talk about this important issue.

“Writing down questions beforehand can also make it less embarrassing for the patient to discuss these things and they will leave the appointment with some practical advice,” she concludes.

The Breast Cancer Trials Q&A Event – Let’s Talk About Sex is free to register and takes place virtually on 30th September 2021 between 5-6.30PM AEST. The panel will be moderated by esteemed journalist Annabel Crabb and features Dr Belinda Kiely, Professor Fran Boyle, Professor Kate White and Ms Rebecca Angus. To register, visit: https://www.breastcancertrials.org.au/qa-registration

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Determined to stamp out the stigma associated with female pleasure, O’Sullivan, 24, teamed up with her friend Eloise McCullough, 26, a year ago to create a sexual wellness business that has since evolved into FIGR Fluid personal lubricant.

“There’s still shame attached to using lube because people associate it with getting old and dry down there. That’s not the case; everyone should be using lube,” says McCullough. “At FIGR, we’re on a mission to give women the power when it comes to lube, instead of depending on men and having to resort to using shower gel in times of desperation (which never ends well, trust me).”

Standing in the “personal care” aisle of their local supermarket in Melbourne staring at the single shelf of lubricants – all with complicated lists of ingredients and hypersexualised packaging targeted at blokes – O’Sullivan and McCullough saw a hole in the market and set out to fill it (pun intended). “Our lube is made by women, for women and their vulvas,” they say.

If your (strawberry-flavoured/glow-in-the-dark/tingling-sensation) lube was purchased circa 2010 from a servo and is currently collecting dust in the bottom drawer of your bedside table, this article is for you.

REASONS TO INVEST IN GOOD QUALITY LUBE

#1 FRICTION BE GONE

Okay, so maybe this is an “expected” health benefit, but using lube during sex means less friction, which ultimately means more fun. According to Rachel Baker, the founder of sexual wellness space LBDO, “Wetter is better.”

“Reaching for the lubricant doesn’t have to mean that you’re not aroused or even that there’s something wrong with you – it’s really just to make things more pleasurable and less likely to do any harm,” she says. “Don’t be afraid to invest in a high-quality lubricant as it can optimise comfort and make sex more pleasurable, ultimately enhancing any intimate moment with yourself or your partner.”

The “unexpected” health benefit of less friction is safer sex. Lube reduces the risk of infections and unplanned pregnancies by limiting the friction of condoms and – subsequently – the chances of breaks and tears.

#2 SUPERIOR INGREDIENTS

Not all lube is made equally. The majority of supermarket-stocked lubricants are full of cheap, foreign ingredients that don’t belong near your vulva, let alone inside of it. “When it comes to sexual wellness, I always advocate for a natural approach and choose lubricants that are glycerin-free, alcohol-free and free of petrochemicals,” says Baker. “Be mindful that the lubricant you use doesn’t irritate the vaginal tissues or negatively impact the healthy bacteria and pH levels by opting for a lubricant with a pH level of around 3.8-4.5, the same as the vaginal pH.”

The FIGR Fluid is made with native extracts including finger lime extract, which is high in Vitamin C and is known to increase immunity to infections and bacteria, encourage the production of collagen and stabilise estrogen levels. “Our lube is also water-based and has been formulated to mimic naturally occurring lubrication with a healthy pH balance of 4.2,” explains McCullough, adding that the product is latex friendly, silicon toy safe, fragrance-free and doesn’t get all sticky.

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#3 LESS RISK

Speaking from personal experience, O’Sullivan says lubricants containing glycerin are hotbeds for infections. “I get yeast infections like there’s no tomorrow,” she admits. “So, when anything foreign like glycerin goes near my vulva, I pay for it dearly. I’m very happy to report that our lube hasn’t given me a yeast infection.”

Much like skincare, oysters and Scottish kilts, au naturel is the way to go when it comes to lube, says Baker: “A natural, paraben-free, fragrance-free, water-based lubricant is more likely to support delicate pH levels and prevent odour-causing bacteria, making them a much safer option.”

#4 MORE SEX

It’s a law of nature: if you have a cute new activewear set, you’ll want to exercise more. The same goes for lube. If you have a fancy new product, you’ll want to shag more. With its minimal design and chic branding, FIGR Fluid belongs on your bedside table, not hidden in a sock drawer. Once you’ve tested it out, you’ll want to keep testing it out, and we all know having sex is like doing a cardio class, so it counts towards your 30-minutes a day.

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#5 ORGASMS

That’s it. That’s the reason.

A study from Indiana University’s Center for Sexual Health determined that lube makes it 50% easier – for everyone – to orgasm. Need I say more?

THE THREE BASES OF LUBE

Rachel Baker of LBDO unpacks the three different types of lube…

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When choosing which lube is the right one for you, it’s important to remember what sort of sexual experience it will be used for, as they each bring something different to the table (or bedroom).

Water based lube makes a great entry level product as its versatility means it can be used for almost all sexual acts and is compatible with sex toys and latex condoms. Whilst it’s not as long lasting as other varieties, it’s easy to clean and won’t stain sheets or clothes.

Silicone based lubricants have greater lubricity than water-based lubricant and are silky soft and slippery which make for a great option when engaging in sexual acts such as anal play, or where you want your lubricant to last longer. Just be mindful that it can’t be used with silicone toys as it can break down the silicone.

Oil based lubricants are also long lasting and can double up as a massage oil but have been associated with an increased risk of infection. They can also degrade latex so should be avoided when using condoms.

Hero image credit: Charlotte O’Sullivan

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In fact, in 2020, a study found that about 10 per cent of women aged between 18 and 39 experienced low libido. Currently in Australia, there is no approved treatment for these women to improve their low sex drive. 

But there’s hope. A nasal spray is being trialed on 480 women aged between 21 and 50 for women who struggle with low sex drive. 

Professor Susan Davis, Director of the Women’s Health Research Program at Monash University believes the test will offer women a chance at tackling the issue concretely.

“When women go to their doctor and they say they’ve lost interest in sex and it’s affecting them and their relationship and their wellbeing, they’re often too quickly dismissed,” she said. “They are told it’s because they’re working and they’ve got kids and they’ve got stress and not sleeping.” 

Professor Davis believes the answer may lie in a molecule called BP101. 

“This molecule acts within the central brain pathways, particularly what we call the GABA pathway that influences sexual behaviour,” she said.

The molecule is delivered through the spray to the nerves in the nasal cavity, then into the brain.

“This molecule has been investigated in terms of its safety,” Professor Davis added. And so far, so good. More than 200 women have already used the spray in a trial of the product, where it was found to be safe and effective. 

“We have treatments for male sexual dysfunction, we have none for female sexual dysfunction in premenopausal women,” said Professor Davis.

“Low libido can include absence of sexual thoughts or fantasies, loss of desire for, or interest in sexual activity and loss of response to a partner initiating sexual activity,” according to the study’s authors. “For many women this can cause anxiety, frustration, guilt or sadness.”

Low sexual desire and sexual dysfunction increases with age. Roughly one in three women aged between 40 to 65 experience low libido. 

“The impact on their psychological wellbeing is as severe as having a chronic condition like type 2 diabetes or severe lower back pain,” Professor Davis added.

Some women are diagnosed with Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder/Dysfunction (HSDD), which is when the loss of sexual desire is so severe that it causes personal distress. Roughly 20 percent of men and 33 percent of women are affected by this disorder.

HSDD is diagnosed only once other potential factors including depression, relationship issues and discomfort with sex have been ruled out.

According to HealthEngine, the current definition of HSDD is based on the traditional model of human sexual response.

“It is important to note that this model derived from studies on predominantly male subjects, emerging from the work of William Masters and Virginia Johnson, and later expanded by Helen Singer Kaplan.”

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When Sex and the City first aired in 1998, its depictions of female sexuality were frank, exciting and deliciously new. Featuring formidable female characters – Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte – the show explored life and love in New York City, bringing female sexuality to the small screen like never before.

Writer Patrick McLennan recently called the show “era-defining” in the RadioTimes, noting its focus on female empowerment, and indeed, it was and remains for many an important feminist show. It broke ground through its unapologetic representations of female sexuality, handling masturbation, dirty-talk, cunnilingus, single, couple and throuple sex – remember Samantha’s famous line “I’m try-sexual. I’ll try anything once”? It also engaged with issues of infertility, single parenthood, domestic abuse and grief.

Going off the air in 2004 after six seasons, there proved to be a lasting appetite for the show, which inspired two features films. These, it seems, did not satisfy fans, and it has recently been announced that the show will be revived for ten half-hour episodes under the name And Just Like That…

However, the landscape of sex and sexuality has shifted significantly over the last two decades, and to remain relevant, the reboot will have to shift with it. The key characters – Carrie, Charlotte and Miranda (minus the indomitable Samantha) – will be in their 50s, and while this offers up some strong narrative potential, I worry it’s not enough.

Sex and the contemporary small screen

Society has come a long way in 20 years. While romance never goes out of fashion, women’s sexuality and how it’s represented on screen has moved on, and rightly so. As the writer Sanjana Varghese noted in the New Statesman, despite its feminist draw, Sex and the City is “outdated, wealthy and white”.

Recent shows such as The Bisexual (2018), I May Destroy You (2020), Normal People (2020), Fleabag (2016) and I Love Dick (2016) have shown new depths of female sexuality on screen, tackling key issues of desire, identity, intimacy and rage. While overt displays of sexuality are ever present, the rendering of sex and female sexuality is now more diverse, complex and, arguably, interesting. Small screen sex has shifted from mere spectacle or punchline to thoughtful facet of a more three-dimensional character: from being “sassy” and sometimes self-indulgent, to being knowing and self-reflexive.

In Michaela Coel’s groundbreaking I May Destroy You, sex is something that brings issues of consent to the surface, forcing Arabella (played by Coel) to consider who she is, how she is changed by her experience, and who she wants to become. In Fleabag, sex and desire are central in showing dramatic power at work. Knowingly so. Some of Fleabag’s best lines include “I spent most of my adult life using sex to deflect from the screaming void inside my empty heart”, and:

I’m not obsessed with sex. I just can’t stop thinking about it. The performance of it. The awkwardness of it. The drama of it.

Like in Sex and the City, the dramatic potential of sex is foregrounded in these shows, but in Fleabag and I May Destroy You, sex is a structuring device encouraging viewers to think beyond the act.

Sex and stratification

While contemporary depictions of sex often leave nothing to hide, female sexuality has always had an unknowable quality about it – after all, most female pleasure isn’t as visible as an erection.

While Sex and the City arguably imbued sex with a glamorous (and expensive) commercialism – dressing for sex, branding sex, commodifying sex – sex and indeed sexuality were stratified. The women at its core were well-dressed, well-heeled and above all, wealthy.

While there was and arguably remains a visual pleasure in the fictitious freedom of the four friends and their sexual exploits, their privilege as slender white, middle-class women afforded them a power and visibility closed off to others. Their desirability was not questioned. As the cultural theorist Richard Dyer (1997) explains:

There is something at stake in looking at, or continuing to ignore, white racial imagery.

And indeed, there is also something at stake in ignoring social class, and the attendant privilege it affords.

I’m not arguing that in the reboot the central characters should be plunged into poverty or pretend to be anything other than white. What I am suggesting though is that their prevailing ignorance of their privilege needs to change. The mode of feminism they represented in the 1990s is, in many ways, outdated.

#MeToo, Black Lives Matter and #LoveWins (about the legalisation of gay marriage), among other hard-fought movements, have restructured the sexual and social landscape and the stories that we tell about it.

It will, of course, be fascinating to see how Carrie, Miranda and Charlotte navigate the modern world – its visual scrutiny and social media, its new feminist and political agendas, their psychical and physical shifts, and their bourgeois, (hetero)sexual fulfilment. Ultimately, And Just Like That… will need to tread a fine line, taking a different and more conscious approach to sex and sexuality if it hopes to impress audiences (both new and old), remain relevant and compete in a market that is now saturated with small-screen, big-idea sex.

Beth Johnson, Associate Professor in Film and Media, University of Leeds

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

The post Sex and the City: the reboot needs to look beyond its narrow view of white wealthy heterosexual sex appeared first on Women's Agenda.

Cardi B’s song WAP and the Netflix show Sex Education place female orgasms on centre stage in popular culture.

But female orgasms are also the subject of serious academic research.

Here’s a snapshot of what research tells us about female orgasms, what we don’t know, and what researchers want to find out.

1. When women orgasm, what actually happens?

When women orgasm, their pelvic floor muscles contract rhythmically and involuntarily. These contractions are thought to help move blood out of erect tissues of the clitoris and vulva, allowing them to return to their usual flaccid (floppy) state.

During sexual arousal and orgasm, women’s heart rate, respiration rate and blood pressure also rise.

Levels of oxytocin, known as the “love hormone”, increase during sexual arousal and are thought to peak during orgasm.

The areas of the brain associated with dopamine, the “happy hormone”, are activated in men and women.

And in women, other areas of the brain are activated further during sexual arousal and peak with orgasm. These include those associated with emotions, the integration of sensory information and emotions, higher-level thinking, and motor areas associated with pelvic floor muscles.

The “right angular gyrus” part of the brain may also be linked with an altered state of consciousness some women say they experience when they orgasm.

What is trickier to determine is how the body and brain relate. We know the frequency and intensity of female orgasms depends on a range of complex psychosocial factors, including a woman’s sexual desires, self-esteem, openness of sexual communication with their partner, and general mental health.

2. Not all women orgasm. Is that a problem?

Orgasms are not a big deal for all women, and that’s completely normal.

And 21% of Australian women aged 20-64 say they cannot climax. From a simplistic biological viewpoint, anorgasmia (the inability to orgasm despite adequate sexual stimulation) is also not a problem. However, women with anorgasmia often report shame, inadequacy, anxiety, distress and detachment surrounding intercourse and orgasm.

These negative emotions might be related to the long history of suppression, and now celebration, of women’s sexual pleasure.

For many women, orgasms represent empowerment. Understandably, then, anorgasmia can leave women feeling as though there is something wrong with them. Some might fake orgasm, which around two-thirds report doing. This is usually to make them feel better about themselves, or to make their partners feel better. https://www.youtube.com/embed/AxqYgjAftc8?wmode=transparent&start=0 Many women say they fake their orgasms, as portrayed in the classic movie When Harry Met Sally.

More than 80% of women won’t orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. So if anorgasmia is a problem, trying different types of stimulation might help, particularly clitoral stimulation.

When anorgasmia leads to negative feelings or gets in the way of forming or sustaining healthy sexual relationships, it becomes a problem. But certain websites, “sextech” (technology that aims to enhance female sexual experiences), and dedicated health professionals can help.

3. Can you over-orgasm?

No! While a survey run by an online dating site suggests 77% of women have had multiple orgasms, academic research suggests the figure is much lower, at around 14%.

Some women who have multiple orgasms report their second orgasm as the strongest, but ones after that become less intense.

Just make sure you have enough lubrication to last the distance, as prolonged stimulation without sufficient lubrication can lead to pain.

Around 50% of women in one study said they use vibrators to reach orgasm (or multiple orgasms). Some people say vibrators can decrease the sensitivity of the clitoris, making it harder for women to orgasm through clitoral stimulation that doesn’t involve vibration. However, most research finds any desensitisation is mild and transitory.

4. What use is it anyway?

Evolutionists tend to take three views on why the female orgasm has evolved: to increase the success of reproduction; to enhance pair-bonding between women and their sexual partner; or the one I consider the most likely, is that women’s orgasms do not serve any evolutionary purpose at all. They are simply a by-product of evolution, existing because the male and female genitals develop in a similar way as embryos, and only begin to differentiate at about six weeks’ gestation.

Just because women’s orgasms do not serve an evolutionary purpose, that doesn’t mean they aren’t important. Women’s orgasms are important because for many women, they contribute to healthy relationships and their sexual well-being.

What’s left to find out?

For a long time, we’ve assumed details about the female orgasm based on its male counterpart. And it’s only since 2011 that we’ve been able to map what happens in women’s brains during sexual stimulation. So there’s plenty about the female brain during orgasm we haven’t yet explored.

We’ve only recently learned about the true size and function of the clitoris. We’re also still debating whether the G-spot exists.

Women’s sexuality, desires, likes and dislikes are also incredibly varied. And in this article, we’ve only talked about, and included research with, cis-gendered females, people whose gender identity and expression matches the sex they were assigned at birth.

So we also need more research with gender-diverse people to better understand the complexity and diversity of orgasm and sexuality.

Whether science can explain all these differences in the complexity of the human being remains to be seen.

Jane Chalmers, Senior Lecturer in Pain Sciences, University of South Australia

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

The post 4 things about female orgasms researchers actually study appeared first on Women's Agenda.

Accompanying this was also a stream of stress and anxiety and the feeling like I wasn’t the woman I ought to be. I couldn’t have sex, and so therefore, I was flawed. I would be in physical pain but be nursing much worse mental and emotional stress.

I thought my boyfriend would get frustrated and leave; that there could be something wrong with me that would later affect my chances of conceiving; that everyone else was having sex except me, because I was broken.  

I experienced this pain ever since my teenage years, but it wasn’t until I was twenty-two – and had seen a multitude of doctors and specialists – that I found out why. I had a condition called vaginismus.

Vaginismus is the involuntary contractions and/or spasms of muscles around the vaginal opening making penetration painful or impossible. This happens as a response to physical contact or pressure, or in anticipation to that touching. It can be primary – women who’ve always experienced the pain – or secondary – brought on by an underlying condition or traumatic event.

Dr Elizabeth Farrell, gynaecologist and Medical Director of Jean Hailes for Women’s Health explains, “What we find is that the muscles are overactive, so when you touch the muscle on the vaginal examination, the muscles are tight and very tender to touch.”

***

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***

In one of my vaginal examinations, my doctor placed two fingers inside me, told me to relax as much as I could, and that even then, I was as hard as rock. My muscles were so overactive they couldn’t switch off.

What caused this contracting and spasming was deeply rooted in my anxiety. My body was trying to protect me from what it deemed to be dangerous: penetration. However, the reasons for vaginismus range from woman to woman and case to case.

As Dr Farrell says, “From the doctor’s point of view, the most important aspect is that a good history needs to be taken”.

This is because the causation could be past trauma, including sexual abuse, being in a forced relationship, fear, instilled stigma from a conservative upbringing, religious reasons, negative attitudes towards sex, traumatic birth or fear and anxiety.

However, one common thread among many with the condition is psychological distress and the questioning of sense of self. Although physically painful, the condition can take a huge toll of mental wellbeing.

When I asked my friend who also has vaginismus about this, she told me, “It used to make me quite upset all the time – a lot of my sexual encounters would end up in a lot of tears and I’d be inconsolable. And yeah it would impact me quite a bit. Also, it was a bit isolating as well because none of my friends had it and no one knew anything about it.”

Like her, I too felt isolated by the pain. And I still struggle today with feeling flawed and to not blame myself. It’s hard when it feels like everyone around you is having carefree, fun sex and yours is intertwined with deep, calming belly breaths and compromise. It’s frustrating too. It’s not that I don’t want to have the pleasurable penetrative sex. 

Dr Farrell explains that these feelings are normal for someone with a condition like mine, “I think vaginismus has enormous consequences on one’s sense of sexual being – and the sense of sadness and loss and grief and all of those things – but particularly that you’re not functioning ‘normally’.”

She says a lot of this comes down to how society talks about sex too, “When you look at the media and you look at movies and all that, it’s about having penetrative sex. The fact that you can have a lovely sex life that doesn’t necessarily include penetrative sex is not something that is really discussed.”

Yet it’s a condition many women in Australia face. Dr Rosie King, sex therapist and author, says, “It’s very common. I see new patients with vaginismus almost every day I go to work.”

Yet despite this, many women with vaginismus go misdiagnosed or undiagnosed, sometimes for twenty or three years, and sometimes their lifetimes.

When I told Dr King it took me years of going to doctors and having ultrasounds to be diagnosed, said, “That’s a very typical situation – it’s not something that’s widely known. And it’s not widely known by a lot of doctors either.”

Even now, the reason many of my family and friends know about it is because I’ve spoken about it. And even then, it’s often confused for endometriosis or other reproductive conditions.

The other main reason many women go undiagnosed is because they’re embarrassed or ashamed of their condition. “The woman feels shameful that she’s not able to have intercourse, therefore she may be embarrassed to come and talk to a doctor about it,” Dr Farrell explains.  

But they aren’t the ones to blame, society’s treatment of sex, and in particular female pleasure, is. Until we can speak openly about our bodies – the good, the bad and the painful – without fear of shame, embarrassment or taboo, many will be left in the dark. And to me, that’s just not good enough. As my friend said, “Why is it not taught in schools?” and I would like to second that.

The good news is however that with a good doctor, pelvic floor physiotherapist and psychologist, it’s a treatable condition. (Expensive, but treatable). And regardless, it’s still very possible to have a healthy, pleasurable and enjoyable sex life without penetration. 

“The important thing to realise is you are absolutely not alone,” Dr King tells me.  

I wish I could go back to my teenage self and tell her the same thing.

What is vaginismus and why is nobody talking about it?

When I look back on my sex life, I see a blur of tears, pain and anxiety. For years, I didn’t know why I couldn’t have sex like what I deemed to be ‘normal’. For me, sex involved searing pain; the kind where I felt like there were a thousand tiny cuts on the inside of my vagina and someone was rubbing chilli into them. Least to say, there was a lot of stinging and burning.

Accompanying this was also a stream of stress and anxiety and the feeling like I wasn’t the woman I ought to be. I couldn’t have sex, and so therefore, I was flawed. I would be in physical pain but be nursing much worse mental and emotional stress.

I thought my boyfriend would get frustrated and leave; that there could be something wrong with me that would later affect my chances of conceiving; that everyone else was having sex except me, because I was broken.  

I experienced this pain ever since my teenage years, but it wasn’t until I was twenty-two – and had seen a multitude of doctors and specialists – that I found out why. I had a condition called vaginismus.

Vaginismus is the involuntary contractions and/or spasms of muscles around the vaginal opening making penetration painful or impossible. This happens as a response to physical contact or pressure, or in anticipation to that touching. It can be primary – women who’ve always experienced the pain – or secondary – brought on by an underlying condition or traumatic event.

Dr Elizabeth Farrell, gynaecologist and Medical Director of Jean Hailes for Women’s Health explains, “What we find is that the muscles are overactive, so when you touch the muscle on the vaginal examination, the muscles are tight and very tender to touch.”

In one of my vaginal examinations, my doctor placed two fingers inside me, told me to relax as much as I could, and that even then, I was as hard as rock. My muscles were so overactive they couldn’t switch off.

What caused this contracting and spasming was deeply rooted in my anxiety. My body was trying to protect me from what it deemed to be dangerous: penetration. However, the reasons for vaginismus range from woman to woman and case to case.

As Dr Farrell says, “From the doctor’s point of view, the most important aspect is that a good history needs to be taken”.

This is because the causation could be past trauma, including sexual abuse, being in a forced relationship, fear, instilled stigma from a conservative upbringing, religious reasons, negative attitudes towards sex, traumatic birth or fear and anxiety.

However, one common thread among many with the condition is psychological distress and the questioning of sense of self. Although physically painful, the condition can take a huge toll of mental wellbeing.

When I asked my friend who also has vaginismus about this, she told me, “It used to make me quite upset all the time – a lot of my sexual encounters would end up in a lot of tears and I’d be inconsolable. And yeah it would impact me quite a bit. Also, it was a bit isolating as well because none of my friends had it and no one knew anything about it.”

Like her, I too felt isolated by the pain. And I still struggle today with feeling flawed and to not blame myself. It’s hard when it feels like everyone around you is having carefree, fun sex and yours is intertwined with deep, calming belly breaths and compromise. It’s frustrating too. It’s not that I don’t want to have the pleasurable penetrative sex. 

Dr Farrell explains that these feelings are normal for someone with a condition like mine, “I think vaginismus has enormous consequences on one’s sense of sexual being – and the sense of sadness and loss and grief and all of those things – but particularly that you’re not functioning ‘normally’.”

She says a lot of this comes down to how society talks about sex too, “When you look at the media and you look at movies and all that, it’s about having penetrative sex. The fact that you can have a lovely sex life that doesn’t necessarily include penetrative sex is not something that is really discussed.”

Yet it’s a condition many women in Australia face. Dr Rosie King, sex therapist and author, says, “It’s very common. I see new patients with vaginismus almost every day I go to work.”

Yet despite this, many women with vaginismus go misdiagnosed or undiagnosed, sometimes for twenty or three years, and sometimes their lifetimes.

When I told Dr King it took me years of going to doctors and having ultrasounds to be diagnosed, said, “That’s a very typical situation – it’s not something that’s widely known. And it’s not widely known by a lot of doctors either.”

Even now, the reason many of my family and friends know about it is because I’ve spoken about it. And even then, it’s often confused for endometriosis or other reproductive conditions.

The other main reason many women go undiagnosed is because they’re embarrassed or ashamed of their condition. “The woman feels shameful that she’s not able to have intercourse, therefore she may be embarrassed to come and talk to a doctor about it,” Dr Farrell explains.  

But they aren’t the ones to blame, society’s treatment of sex, and in particular female pleasure, is. Until we can speak openly about our bodies – the good, the bad and the painful – without fear of shame, embarrassment or taboo, many will be left in the dark. And to me, that’s just not good enough. As my friend said, “Why is it not taught in schools?” and I would like to second that.

The good news is however that with a good doctor, pelvic floor physiotherapist and psychologist, it’s a treatable condition. (Expensive, but treatable). And regardless, it’s still very possible to have a healthy, pleasurable and enjoyable sex life without penetration. 

“The important thing to realise is you are absolutely not alone,” Dr King tells me.  

I wish I could go back to my teenage self and tell her the same thing.

***

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The post What is vaginismus and why is nobody talking about it? appeared first on Women's Agenda.

I noticed that conversations inspired by books evolve in a way that is different from the consumption of films, music, visual art or theatre. There’s something about the written narrative and long form prose that sustains a deep, complex level of emotional and psychological spark in a very distinctive way, and I have always wanted to participate in that world of narrative making.

It began with a personal question, and evolutionised into my first novel “A Lonely Girl is a Dangerous Thing”. Two years ago, I sat down on a desk in an apartment in New York City and began the story of a young woman who felt the world dismissed her voracious appetite for food, physical intimacy and love.

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Heading off on holiday, I picked this book up at @betterreadbookshop and … holy crap. It’s fierce and brilliant. Can’t put it down.

A post shared by Annabel Crabb (@annabelcrabb) on Jul 8, 2020 at 4:35pm PDT

I have always felt like the world has said to me “YOU ARE TOO MUCH” – too hungry, too loud, too crazy, too in love, too passionate, too eager, too scary, too intimidating, too TOO TOO. I am a woman, and the world does not like women who want, want want – on her own terms.

I always thought I’d write non-fiction, but it was through writing this novel that I could craft a character I wanted to read. I spent 30 years of my life reading white heterosexual people dominate the world and have interesting lives.

I felt ineligible for a life of love, adventure and deep spirituality because I am not white. When you don’t see yourself reflected in the art you consume, in the music you listen to, in the films and television you watch, it’s like you don’t exist. Like I told The Guardian, it’s like, you don’t matter.

I hope that by writing this novel, I am changing things. I hope that there will not be another generation of Asian Australian girls who don’t see themselves reflected in narratives. I hope a young Asian woman will read this and believe that she will grow up to be the hero of her own story.

Throughout the years of my writing and since the release of this novel, people have commended my openness and vulnerability on the page. The truth is, I don’t see it as vulnerability. I see it as me showing up on the page, in my most truest, authentic self.

I have always been expedient in my openness and honesty with any interaction I have with people. I can go into a bar and within five minutes, tell a total stranger how old I was when I lost my virginity and the explicit details of it.

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Jena in her zone @theviolincentre first copies whohoooo

A post shared by Jessie Tu (@jessie_tuuu2) on May 27, 2020 at 1:02am PDT

I am not shy. I am not sacred about sharing personal details about myself. I think it’s because I have always wanted a world where things are discussed out in the open. I think that comes from a place of having grown up in a family where things just weren’t talked about or discussed openly. 

In Asian culture, a lot of things are unspoken. I remember when I was about 14 or 15, I got into an argument with my father about something ( of course I don’t remember what it was about) and I said to him “Tell me what you’re thinking and how you feel so I can understand you” and he was very emphatic in his response; which I will remember forever; he said “I shouldn’t have to tell you. These things aren’t meant to be expressed or vocalised. You should be able to know what I’m thinking.”

I remember the feeling I felt when he said that. I remember it more clearly than I remember so many other things in life. It was a feeling of – oh my god. This is a huge difference in our worldview. And I felt dismayed by this sudden realisation that my father and I exist in two very different worlds. I was sad thinking we might never cross our differences, and step into each other’s worlds. Because I didn’t want to occupy his world. I don’t want to ever live in his world, where things are unspoken and assumed and actions replace words.

I understand his world. I really do. But I don’t want to live in that world. Actions need to begin from a place of vocalisation. We need to be able to speak something, in order to understand it. Especially when it comes to relationships – any sort of relationship. I wish my father would know that no-one can read anyone else’s mind. That feelings and thoughts need to be expressed out into the open. Otherwise, they are stuck in our minds and don’t get the freedom they want to be fully evolved.

Thoughts, feelings, wishes, requests, wants, desires, needs. All these things need to be allowed the chance to metamorphosize  into the spoken word so that the other person comes as close as they can to understanding you, and what you want/feel/need.

I came from a culture where for the first 22 years of my life, I wasn’t encouraged to express what I wanted. My parents modelled this too. They came from a culture that was very much about constraining your own personal desires in order to uphold Confucius models of family fidelity. They pushed their own desires to the side for their children to thrive. They were two humans who subscribed to the idea that loving someone meant diminishing your own essential personhood.

I think my siblings and I learned this too. We took this on for ourselves. We learned that this was what loved looked like. And so I’ve always found it hard to know what I want and to ask myself the right questions.

But writing has been my liberator. I write, to know what I think, what I want, how I feel, how I love.

My novel is about how many of us turn to sex in order to feel less lonely. I’ve been so excited about the conversations I’ve been having with my closest family and friends.

We’ve broached subjects I never thought I’d breach. I’ve discovered things about my sister’s sex life I didn’t think she’d ever be comfortable telling me. And that opening up about traditionally unspoken things – is precisely what I’ve loved about putting this book out into the world.

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#alicemunro #alicemunroshortstories

A post shared by Jessie Tu (@jessie_tuuu2) on Jun 2, 2020 at 3:04pm PDT

I wish I was privy to every single conversation that has been going on as people read this novel. I just think it’s so important to talk about things; to try to find a language, and expression – to talk about these things that have never been publicly discussed.

By talking, and sharing each other’s stories, won’t we find that this world will be just a bit less lonely? I want to live in that world. A world of less loneliness. 

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