You might’ve heard the stereotype that feminists are just angry women who need to find a man who can satisfy them sexually. It is an old trope that has been with us since at least the 1970s.

Unfortunately, just when we think we may have moved on from toxic myths like these, rhetoric reminds us they are still very much around.

United States Sen. Ted Cruz tried to revive this cliché in recent comments at a conservative conference. He suggested that liberal women are sexually unsatisfied because liberal men are too wimpy: “If you were a liberal woman, and you had to sleep with those weenies, you’d be pissed too.” He implied that they will only achieve sexual satisfaction by submitting to domineering men.

I have conducted research on the topic of feminist identity and sexual behaviour, and I’ve got news for Cruz and anyone else worried about women’s sexual satisfaction. There is no sex drought for feminist women; they have sex just as often as non-feminists. In fact, feminist women report their sex is more cuddly, loving and pleasurable — some might say better — than those who are not feminists.

Thanks for your concern, Sen. Cruz, but we’re doing just fine.

Feminists report having better sex

In 2022, I surveyed a representative sample of 2,303 adults across Canada and I analyzed the responses of the 1,126 women who took part. Respondents were asked about their sexual activities, both alone and with a partner.

I found that women who identified as feminist and non-feminist both reported high levels of sexual satisfaction. However, women who claimed a feminist identity were more likely to report their most recent sexual encounter included kissing and cuddling than non-feminist women.

Among women, 57 per cent of non-feminists said their most recent sexual encounter included kissing and cuddling, compared to 68 per cent of feminists. This data suggests that feminists are not sad and lonely, but they are engaging in loving, enjoyable sex to a greater extent than non-feminists.

The clitoris is where it’s at

One difference between feminist and non-feminist women that stood out the most in my research relates to the pleasure centre of the female body: the clitoris. Feminists were more likely to report receiving clitoral stimulation in the form of oral sex from their partner: 38 per cent of feminist women, compared to 30 per cent of non-feminist women, said they received oral sex in their last encounter.

Clitoral stimulation is the path to sexual pleasure and orgasms for women, feminist or not. However, sometimes sex — especially in heterosexual couples — pays more attention to male pleasure, focusing primarily on stimulation of the penis through vaginal penetration. Clitoral stimulation, such as with mouths, hands or sex toys, gets less attention. Sometimes we give short shrift to clitoral stimulation, relegating it to foreplay, or somehow outside of what counts as “regular sex.”

Shouldn’t women have as much access to sexual pleasure as men? There is abundant evidence, in the case of heterosexual couples, that there is a gender gap in orgasms, with women having fewer orgasms than men. A feminist sensibility might consider it obvious that women should have as much sexual pleasure as men, and their sexual behaviours reflect that ideal.

Why might feminists have better sex?

Many women see feminism as a source of self-actualization and empowerment, and the link between feminist identity and better sex might be quite simple: Feminists know what they want in bed and are more likely to feel empowered to ask for it.

Feminists are more likely to be in social circles with other feminist friends, and they might be more comfortable talking about sex and pleasure, giving them a chance to discover what they want from sexual encounters. Indeed, my survey also found that feminist women also pleasure themselves more frequently than non-feminists.

Perhaps they are more likely to have sexual partners who are also feminist. We know that feminist men who have sex with women are more likely to give oral sex to their partners, tending to the clitoral stimulation of their sexual partners to a greater extent than non-feminist men do.

Heterosexual feminist women might be more likely to have feminist men partners than non-feminists do, so they might have greater access to more generous lovers. Women who have sex with women are also more likely to receive oral sex than women with men partners.

Whether it is through personal empowerment, better communication or sexual partners who are willing to give them what they need, feminists are having sex that is kissy, cuddly and stimulating.

So, contrary to Cruz’s pronouncements on the subject, feminists have sex just as often as non-feminists, and the sex they have is often loving and pleasurable. It’s time to let go of hateful stereotypes. Let’s lean into the idea that satisfying sex should be available to everyone.

Tina Fetner, Professor, Sociology, McMaster University

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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And I mean, true financial freedom. The kind where you can live as you please without concern for how you will be able to fund your life. You’ll have secure housing, go on little holidays with friends and family and have the ability to pay bills without worry, despite a cost-of-living crisis that is seeing most of us (86% in fact) feel the pinch.

The reality for most women is that we’re underpaid and overworked, so whilst we know getting on top of our money is important we park it till we ‘have time and space’ to tackle it. Unfortunately, this often never happens and instead, a life calamity – like a redundancy, divorce or death occurs, forcing us to take control on top of a highly stressful/emotional situation.

And while it might seem poor taste to discuss money, break-ups and death on the national day of very overpriced red roses and teddy Hallmark cards, to me, there is no better time than today to do it. Getting a financial game plan in place is critical.

Right now, not only are women more likely to be cutting back on things we enjoy (almost 50 percent of us are cutting back on things like entertainment and holidays) but more alarmingly, one in three of us are cutting something they once considered an essential need.

Women are also feeling strained by the rising cost of living (46% of us), and the toll doesn’t just live in our beautiful brains, it impacts our physical health (42%) and relationships (36%). Don’t even get me started on the systemic inequality that exists in structures like superannuation and the increase of older Australian women living in poverty.

Your relationship with money is going to be lifelong and therefore one of the most important you will ever have. In years from now, on this most auspicious love day, I hope you once again look in the mirror and say: “I love you and thank you for making this a priority all those years ago”.

So, how exactly can we improve our relationship with money?

• First up, acknowledge it is a journey. Just like you don’t wake up one day ready to run a marathon, it takes time to feel confident and excited by money. Before confidence comes bravery. 
• Think about what you inherently ‘believe’ about money. We have stories about money that were formed in childhood that, more often than not are harmful and wreak havoc on our financial futures. Maybe you tell yourself ‘I am just really bad with money’ or ‘I can never save’. Unwriting and rewriting these tropes are enormously important and powerful.
• Get a cashflow plan. Know your take home income and figure out what is a fixed cost (rent, childcare, insurance, etc) vs variable cost (groceries, clothing, holidays). Then my two golden rules: Separate (consider if having accounts for specific purposes makes sense to you) and automate (set up a system that moves money straight after you get paid). You want to make sure you put every hard-earned penny to use.
• Get goals that light you up and put away funds for them first (see above note about cashflow). 
• Protect yourself. From whatever unexpected sh*t life throws at you. Get insured, have a will, sign a financial agreement if you bring assets to a relationship and for god’s sake, no matter how much you love them, have at least one bank account of your own that no one else can access.
• A man* is not a plan (*or women, or whoever you happen to love) They aren’t your ticket to freedom. They shouldn’t make all the decisions around money. Financial abuse is rife and poorly understood in Australia. Play an active role in financial decisions, always.
• Invest. In yourself. In learning about money. In putting money in investment markets. In taking the time to figure out where your super is, or if it’s invested in things that suit your values. Whatever it is, this relationship with money is going to be forever so read the book, listen to the podcast, take the course. Do whatever you need to do to start and grow your knowledge and financial confidence . 

Happy love day from me, who will sing bad homemade love songs to my dog and probably fold the ever-growing pile of washing.

Also, shout out to my Dad, who will likely remember it’s Valentines Day at approx. 6pm tonight and come home with the last, very sad looking bunch of flowers that just cost him a small fortune, only to be told by my mother that it’s a nice gesture but it’s wasted money and it could have been invested instead.

If you are wanting to make this year the year you get on top of your money (yay!!!) I have built a 10-week financial literacy program, The Greenhouse, to help you learn move you forward – no jargon, no judgement, built by me: a qualified financial adviser. 

As I am a licenced financial adviser, please note that everything in this article is considered general advice.

The post What I want to gift every woman this Valentine’s Day appeared first on Women's Agenda.

While there’s something to be said for these things (well, at least, chocolate and love) I got to thinking about a few other things that would genuinely rock my world (and the world of many women).

Forget roses, this is what I’d love on Valentine’s Day.

• An adequately funded response to domestic violence

We are forking out $100 billion (BILLION) on a fleet of submarines and we’re supposed to applaud a $79 million funding package for violence against women?

So far in Oz in 2019:
– 6 women have been violently killed
– police will have dealt with 30,000 DV matters
– 500 women & girls will have been hospitalised with injuries inflicted by their partner.

What other crime would we tolerate with this impact? https://t.co/MIdSLzNFVT

— Georgie Dent (@georgiedent) February 11, 2019

• To never be referred to as “our women”.

Ever. Least of all by a Prime Minister. We aren’t chattels.

If you don’t think this is weird, if you don’t think it suggests some disturbing kind of ownership, ask yourself: could you ever imagine “our women” coming out of the mouth of a female politician? https://t.co/MmbB33GjL8

— Lisa Pryor (@pryorlisa) February 11, 2019

• R.E.S.P.E.C.T

Aretha Franklin sang it best and in 2019 it’s as true as ever. I want women to go to work, to walk the streets, to frequent restaurants, to enter court rooms, parliament, boards rooms, sporting arenas and be greeted with respect.

I don’t just want women not to be harassed or assaulted: I want that to be the absolute baseline. I want women to be viewed and treated as human beings of equal value as a matter of course.

• A solution to climate change

Yep, it’s bold but this is a wishlist afterall. If a solution isn’t possible I’d at least take some leadership and commitment to do what we can to ensure the viability of our planet.

• Reproductive freedom.

Without it women’s rights will never be fully realised.

• Equal pay

Not just because it’s a matter of fairness but because the price of the pay gap compounded over time is unconscionable. Why are women over 50 the fastest growing group of people becoming homeless?

• Leadership beyond ego

Are leaders with  integrity and decency really that hard to find? Too many leaders in recent times – in business and in politics – have made these traits seem unattainable. Enough.

• Access to education for all girls

There are more than 130 million girls around the world who are still unable to go to school. Every additional year of primary school increases girls’ eventual wages by 10-20 percent. It also encourages them to marry later and have fewer children, and leaves them less vulnerable to violence.

• Time with friends

In a pair of studies involving nearly 280,000 people, psychologist William Chopik from Michigan State University found that friendships become increasingly important to one’s happiness and health across the lifespan. He found that friendships are a stronger predictor of health and happiness than relationships with family members. “Keeping a few really good friends around can make a world of difference for our health and well-being,” he said. “So, it’s smart to invest in the friendships that make you happiest.”

Women are notoriously time-poor but making time for friendships – regardless of your relationship status – is worthwhile.

• Caring responsibilities shared & valued

Women have carried the burden alone for too long. Children, elderly relatives, cooking,  cleaning and laundry are not pursuits, passions or responsibility that exclusively belong to women. As convenient as that idea is, it’s not true. Poverty is the price too many women pay for caring and the sooner individuals, employers and governments realise that needs to change the better.

So, look, I admit that my wish-list is ambitious. It’s certainly more difficult than buying a card and a few roses but I can honestly say that even ticking a few of these items off the list would make a lot of women VERY happy. If Valentine’s Day is about making women happy – as the marketing trope suggests – these things really ought to be considered.

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