Christine Holgate had been experiencing the worst of days before she was due to front a Senate inquiry into her sacking as Australia Post CEO.
She’d been suffering from suicidal thoughts, and now says fronting the inquiry was one of the hardest things she’s ever done.
“I was still quite ill when I went to parliament but I had to find that strength to speak. I knew it was the only way we could get things to change,” Holgate told the Forbes Australia Women’s Summit on Wednesday.
“To go to parliament — the very place you were abused — and to speak up against the very man who abused you. And it’s his house, not yours. A lot of people are telling you not to do it.”
The man she is referring to here is former Prime Minister Scott Morrison.
“But one day I just woke up and – excuse me for swearing – I just thought ‘fuck you bastards!’”
Holgate, who is now the CEO of Team Global Express, told the audience what it was like when Morrison told parliament she could “go” if she refused to stand aside from her job after it was revealed she had spent $20,000 on rewarding four executives with Cartier watches after they closed a $200 million plus deal.
“When something happens to you and somebody in one minute can destroy your whole life and whole career, you go through a whole set of experiences,” she said.
The inquiry eventually demanded Morrison apologise to Holgate over her treatment.
Holgate said she wasn’t sure she had the capacity to front the inquiry at the time, but that ultimately she needed to use her experience to push for positive change.
“If I didn’t do it, I would never have been able to live with myself, because if you don’t speak out you tolerate it,” she said.
“How would I ever have deserved the right to lead people again and to ask those people to respect each other if I was prepared to be abused and silenced.
“You feel incredibly alone, but once you get to that stage you can lift your head up and you can take it and use it for positive change.”
Holgate also referred to the Saturday morning she woke up to find herself depicted as a prostitute in a national newspaper.
“It was the Saturday morning that followed that I was depicted as a prostitute in the Saturday morning paper. That wouldn’t have happened to a man. Yet it was deemed okay. I was told I was not allowed to speak. I was silenced.”
Strength from Carla Zampatti
Holgate shared a moving story about her friendship with the late Carla Zampatti, one of Australia’s most beloved fashion designers, and how support from Zampatti gave her strength to front the inquiry.
“I used to meet her on a Thursday afternoon,” Holgate said.
“Forgive me if I get her accent wrong, but she went, ‘Darling, what are you going to wear?’ I went ‘Carla, wear!? I’m lying on the bathroom floor vomiting most days.’
“And she said, ‘Darling you have to look fabulous. The whole country will be looking at you.’
Zampatti gave her a jacket to wear on the day – it was suffragette white. Sadly, Zampatti passed away one week before Hoglate gave evidence.
“But wearing her jacket that day, I felt I had her armour, her soul, her protection. I had the vibe of people like Wendy McCarthy. I had the strength.”