Breast cancer Sister ‘Thrivers’ Share What They’ve Learnt Along the Way
You often hear from those who’ve gone through life-altering, traumatic, experiences – their day started out just like any other – normal, busy, frantic, chaotic, getting ready for school or work – before being completely blindsided with something that changes them forever.
This is what happened to my sister Margaret now 47 in September 2020 – and then just six week later, to me, now 50, as we both were diagnosed with different types of breast cancer.
It’s been 24 months of some of the toughest experiences we’ve ever been through – that we wouldn’t wish on anyone – but it’s also been some of the most profound.
It’s sent us on a different course, and reminded us of a mountain of life’s lessons that we can now be grateful for.
One in every seven women will experience breast cancer. If sharing our story and lessons provides hope for others going through this journey or gives anyone a prompt to get checked, we’ll be glad. We hope this resonates and maybe saves a life:
1) You’re never alone
Your world instantly shrinks after receiving the news of having breast cancer. Despite the sheer number of women diagnosed each year in Australia, it feels terrifyingly lonely embarking on a road you’ve never been down before – especially as both single mums.
Part of this also comes with knowing few breast cancer diagnoses are the same. Mags and I- despite being sisters- were diagnosed with different types of non-genetically linked breast cancer.
Mags was diagnosed with stage 2/borderline 3, oestrogen receptor positive (ER+), lobular cancer, which begins in the milk producing glands (lobules) of the breast, and I was diagnosed with stage 2, ER +, ductal cancer, which begins in the milk ducts of the breast.
We also presented differently. Mags’ had an obvious and sudden change in the shape of her breast she found after a shower. Mine came as an unusual, but not alarming slight discharge, with an ultrasound finding the first of two tumours under the surface – with no obvious physical lumps.
Both of us went down completely different treatment paths. Mags has had 22 chemotherapy sessions, radiation, two lumpectomies, and two hip replacements (due to an unlucky side effect of the chemotherapy). I’ve had a double mastectomy, chemotherapy, and other ongoing preventative treatments.
But despite these differences, the silver lining has been the realisation we were never alone.
The love and support we’ve had from each other – and our loved ones – taught us this is the beauty of life, and we were fortunate to have had each other every step of the way.
When Mags was first diagnosed, there was no question about “dropping everything”, including “grand plans” we had for our business.
We lived next door, so from helping her two children with their homework, school drop-offs alongside my own daughter Frankie, to keeping up the rituals of family dinners each night, we were determined to make her treatment and recovery as painless as possible.
And the same happened when I received my diagnosis – ever since the moment Mags needed to take the wheel after her chemotherapy treatment home from the Brisbane’s Mater Hospital where I had just received the shocking news I too had breast cancer.
And it’s been this constant sharing of the driver seat for each other during both our journeys.
But for women who may be going through this without their sister – know you are never alone.
We can’t recommend enough for women to enlist the support of one or two people you love and trust to be there at every appointment. To take in the tsunami of information that will come at you, wade through this and help you make decisions about your treatment path going forward.
Accept all the help that is offered, even if it feels hard to say yes, especially the offers to help cook, clean, drive and do the parts of life that becomes harder during your treatment. We were so blessed to have family, friends and our school community surround us with love and support.
And find those medical, health and mental health professionals who you really connect with.
We’ve been so grateful to discover the countless support groups – in person and online – like the Mater Chicks in Pink, and Mummy’s Wish, who’ve also kept us “thriving” during this period.
And for us, it’s also been critical to create our own community – sharing our story with others with the hope it resonates with other women.
2) Making peace with the ‘slower’ path
Mags and I are both hard-workers and had plans to launch a business together. In fact, just before Mags received her diagnosis, we were full steam ahead with product testing for our new Lula Eye Mask – the first self-warming eye mask in Australia.
But the cancer diagnosis literally and figuratively floored us, and the momentum we had for business needed to significantly slow, and at times, come to a dead halt.
While we’re so grateful the business gave us something else to think about other than cancer, it most importantly, gave us a broader sense of purpose to give all women the space to prioritise self-care with just 20 minutes of experiencing the warming face mask. But, as we also came to realise, we needed to do what we were preaching – prioritise “self-care” and resting.
No matter how much passion we had to launch our business and other parts of life and motherhood, to be a ‘warrior’- which is the meaning behind the name ‘Lula’ – also meant knowing when to rest. And we had no option during treatment.
Even now as we’re in a far healthier place, it’s been something we’ve taken forward in our daily lives.
We have such a great understanding of how busy we can both be with our children and medical treatments and appointments, so we don’t put time constraints and pressure on each other.
We’re determined to help women not feel guilty for taking time out for themselves. We have both been forced to slow right down and have learnt it’s actually such a gift to take time for yourself, but it should be a gift we all allow ourselves to have every single day, without guilt.
So, we take days off regularly. We lean on support we’re offered or ask for it when needed. And we hope every woman does this too. Whether you’re going through cancer or not, embrace the joy and ‘slowness’ of life and remember self-care is never selfish!
3) Embracing ‘unpopular’ changes
We always loved a 5pm wine. It was part of our daily ritual. The kids playing together and Mags and I sharing a glass in the evening.
But a few years before either Mags or I were diagnosed, as single mums we made the decision to give up alcohol after coming across the growing body of researched links with cancer.
It hasn’t been an easy thing to give up when our ‘boozy’ Australian culture is tied so closely to what we do. We’re constantly still seeing cancer charities and organisations even encouraging alcohol-driven fundraisers.
But since knowing this, we’ve become conscious advocates around helping women understand the links – that moderate consumption can lead to up to 30-50% increased risk in breast cancer.
We know some people might worry about the challenges of giving up alcohol from a social point of view, but thankfully, that hasn’t changed for us. We can still enjoy girl’s weekends away, lunches, dinners and events without alcohol (we might even enjoy these even more now as we still feel wonderful the next day)!
And we’ve made it our mission as business owners to never promote “wine time” for mums or show alcohol in any imagery, and we hope other brands, especially cancer charities, make this change too.
Giving up alcohol, a seemingly ‘unpopular’ change, has been nothing but positive for us and a decision we are so proud to have made.
Final words
While we wish ourselves and our family and friends, didn’t have to endure us both going through breast cancer, we are so grateful for the incredible learnings we experienced because of it.
If you’re going through this journey, we hope sharing our story resonates and gives hope.
As mothers, business owners and breast cancer survivors, these words by another breast cancer survivor really resonated with us: “You can be brave and terrified… You can be broken and be whole…You can shed tears and laugh out loud… You can be exhausted and be a warrior”
And also, just as importantly, we hope our words serve as a reminder to check yourself regularly or schedule your mammogram.