The CEO of a drone-racing company in Singapore is suing a woman for more than $3m Singapore Dollar (AUD$3.3 million) in damages for “sustained trauma” after his romantic intentions were not reciprocated.
K Kawshigan is claiming damages in Singapore’s High Court for loss in earnings and investments, and “rehabilitation and therapy programmes to overcome the sustained trauma” he has accused her of inflicting, court documents read.
Kawshigan claims Nora Tan Shu Mei of damaging his “stellar reputation” and for “monetary damages arising from negligent infliction of emotional distress and possible defamation”.
The case returns to the High Court on March 2.
Last July, Kawshigan also filed a lawsuit against Tan in a local magistrates court, accusing her of breaching an alleged agreement between them to “improve their relationship” and for “allegedly defamatory remarks and negligent conduct.”
“Such remarks, he averred, suggested that he had harassed and spied on her, and this caused him to suffer ‘damage to his stellar reputation’ as well as ‘trauma, depression and impacts’ to his life,” the court papers read.
This case was dismissed by the court last month as “an abuse of process” and “manifestly groundless and without foundation.”
The judgement released in January said Kawshigan had an “ulterior motive of vexing or oppressing the defendant”.
“Considered in totality, I find that the present action was intentionally initiated by the Claimant (Mr Kawshigan) with the ulterior motive of vexing or oppressing the Defendant (Ms Tan) by requiring her to defend various claims,” the magistrate wrote.
“This court will not be an accessory to his calculated attempt to compel engagement from the Defendant who, after years of massaging the Claimant’s unhappiness, has finally decided to stand up to his threats rather than cower and give in to his demands.”
Background
The pair met at a social event in 2016 and commenced a friendship that lasted until 2020, when their intentions about the relationship “became misaligned”, according to court documents.
“While the defendant only regarded the claimant as a ‘friend’, he considered her to be his ‘closest friend’,” the court papers said.
Tan wanted to reduce the interactions she had with Kawshigan — a desire that Kawshigan claimed would “tak[e] a step back in the[ir] relationship”.
Tan indicated her growing “discomfort” around their relationship and suggested Kawshigan be more “self-reliant.”
Kawshigan threatened legal action against her, alleging he had suffered emotional trauma when she told him she thought of him as a friend, and telling her she should adhere to his demands or suffer “irrevocable damages to [her] personal and professional endeavours”.
Consequently, Tan agreed to undergo counselling for 18 months, after spending years “massaging the claimant’s unhappiness”, court documents revealed.
“While the defendant had hoped that the counselling sessions would help the claimant come to terms with her decision to not pursue a romantic relationship with him, this was not the result,” the documents said.
Tan had even suggested a list of “improvements” she could make to their friendship, such as “meeting up based on mutual availability beyond coffee settings” and provide “room for [him] to share inspiration, struggle and achievements”.
“Faced with repeated requests and demands for more frequent meetings and deeper conversations, the defendant [Tan] decided in May 2022 to cease all contact with the claimant,” the court said.
In one phone conversation submitted to court, Kawshigan had said to Tan, “Your discomfort is as fake as the cause.”
“And emotionally, till the day I die, you are the cause of my trauma.”
Tan’s harassment case against Kawshigan
Tan launched a countersue against Kawshigan for harassment earlier this month, claiming expenses she incurred to protect herself from him.
Tan told the court she installed a digital door viewer, an alarm sensor and a smart video doorbell to protect herself from Kawshigan.
She is seeking damages for S$480 (AUD$530) for installing the equipment, and S$1,000 (AUD$1,102) for expenses incurred while engaging in counselling and “healing” sessions under Kawshigan’s suggestion.
Tan’s harassment case is still ongoing.
Public Response
Singapore-based women’s advocacy group, Association of Women for Action and Research (Aware), released a statement on social media, condemning Kawshigan’s legal proceedings.
“Women do not owe men their time or attention, much less their friendship, love, sexual activity or emotional labour,” they said.
The case “paints an alarming picture of male sexual and romantic entitlement,” and identified Kawshigan’s complaint as an example of Darvo: “Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender”, a strategy abusers use to situate themselves as the injured party and punish real victims for not complying.
“In a society that views women as ‘less than’, many men believe that they have a right to women’s lives and bodies, and assert themselves accordingly,” Aware said.
“Concepts such as the ‘friend zone’ – which implies that women should by default be sexually attracted to the men in their lives – are part of this spectrum of male entitlement.”
“We need to dismantle toxic masculinity and the patriarchal mindsets that underpin this behaviour.”
If women could file claims against men for “rehabilitation and therapy programs to overcome the sustained trauma,” — let’s just say, there wouldn’t be enough money to go around the world to compensate every woman who has ever been damaged by a man.
Singapore’s culture of misogyny
In Singapore, a sovereign city-state of almost six million, women continue to experience harassment at startling rates.
A 2019 study found that more than a quarter of women in Singapore have experienced some form of sexual harassment, with almost fifty per cent saying they didn’t report it due to embarrassment or fear of retribution.
In the same year however, the UN Human Development Report ranked Singapore 11th out of 162 countries for gender equality.
A 2022 Ipsos poll revealed a different story. According to the study, 1 in 3 Singaporean men believe feminism does more harm than good and a quarter of Singaporeans deny the existence of gender inequality.
The poll also found a fifth of Singaporeans agreed that violence against women is often provoked by the victim, while one in seven Singaporean men believe it’s acceptable to send someone unrequested explicit images.
Melanie Ng, Director of Public Affairs at Ipsos in Singapore said at the time, “Singaporeans are not entirely cognisant of the gender inequality that exists in our communities and in the world.”
“The education around gender equality goes beyond driving equal career opportunities or recognising that a woman is more than a wife or mother,” she said.
“At its core, it is about recognising that everyone deserves respect and due consideration of their self-worth and not solely by the role that they play.”