Tired, and fed up, I quietly quit at home

Last year, I made the decision to become a Quiet quitter.  

Quiet quitting became a thing on social media in 2022 and describes putting in no more time, effort, or enthusiasm at work than absolutely necessary.

With my inner resentment growing and my enthusiasm and resilience wilting, I decided to pull back from a role I had been doing for 20 years.  A role I confidently performed with super-efficiency often prioritising delivery over wellbeing.   

I Quietly Quit at home.  

A little different from workers Quiet quitting at work, where employers and managers are not given a heads-up productivity will be dropping, I did notify my family change was coming.  At 3am one Saturday morning, I quickly wrote and hit send on a text message to my husband and our young adults (aged 16 and 18) Subject: Message from Mum – please read. 

Dear Family,

Please let me know you have read this message and I am available to discuss with you together or individually. 

I am not getting much enjoyment in being the manager of the house, being responsible for the unpaid work at home. These tasks include 

• Shopping 
• Cooking 
• Cleaning 
• Laundry 
• Walking Liza 4 – 5 times a week picking up poop, feeding and making sure she has clean water 
• Financial management and budgeting  
• Managing medical appointments
• Driving and being available to drop off and pick up 
• Packing and unpacking dishwasher

These activities are on top of my Full-Time paid work (about 40 -50 hours a week plus 4 – 5 hours travel time) plus the work I do with the University and in my private practice.

My work is very satisfying and rewarding. The unpaid work done at home is not. This work is completed without thanks, with criticism, little support and pushback when assistance and input is requested.

This work is done in an environment where frequently respect is not shown, including:

• not saying hello when greeted in the morning or walking into the house 
• being ignored
• name calling
• watching of screens and airpods shutting off communication
• not keeping personal areas (bedrooms) to standard expected
• not making eye contact when spoken too
• dismissive responses to questions
• minimal support with setting standards
• little support in calling out bad behaviour in a productive and respectful way

I love you all dearly – but I am tired of this. 

As I re-gather my energy, there are things in the unpaid list I won’t be doing as much of. For example, your laundry, picking up groceries during the week, stopping work to drive and pick up. 

Please respond to this message notifying you have read and understood. 

I am always open to finding new ways to work together and am available to talk these through. 

Love Mum / Jo

What changed?

I did.  I pulled back from going the extra mile.  I was less available.  I stopped rushing or cutting short something important to me to get back for someone else. As a result, I felt less stretched and more at ease.   

Tips for Quiet quitting at Home.   

1. Step up: Take responsibility for making the changes needed for you. Expecting others to do the heavy lifting especially when it is going to result in more effort for them is not going to give you the change you are looking for. 
2. Trade Off: Change decision making requires trading off one experience or opportunity to get a different outcome, when Quiet quitting at home expect to trade off efficiency in the short term for longer term harmony 
3. Say yes: This strategy is an interesting one, as for many people who are managing multiple responsibilities in their personal and professional life, getting comfortable with saying no is usually encouraged.  Say yes, to opportunities for fun or a personal or professional challenge and make yourself less available at home. 
4. Fill your happiness cup daily: At the beginning of each day, take a moment to ask yourself what can I do today that will make me feel happy? Try to choose events or experiences that do not require investments of money or time. Things like; throw a coin into the guitar case of the local busker, take a bunch of flowers to work, bake a cake and share at morning tea, put together a ‘happy’ playlist and play on the way to work, eat lunch in the sunshine. 
5. Shift time: Time shifting is more than making every moment count in your day. It involves making intentional choices about what you are doing or planning to do and when is the best time to do it. Be conscious of when it is best to do something and stop working around others.