In 2023, 59 women have been allegedly murdered by a current or former partner. There is a call to police every 2 minutes for domestic, family and sexual violence (DFSV) and we know there is a surge in violence over the holiday periods.
Last year between Christmas and the new year, 6 women were allegedly murdered. It makes me sick to write we know there will be more homicides before the year is out.
It’s unacceptable.
People keep asking why aren’t we seeing a change? The Albanese Government has made record investment towards ending violence against women and children – there has been a commitment to long term cultural change through policy reform in the Family Law act and a commission to strengthen criminal responses to sexual violence within the Attorney General’s portfolio.
This year, there have been close to 50,000 articles published specifically focused on violence against women. There have been so many words written, roundtables, conferences, and discussion.
People are anguished, they are angry and rightly so. Our frontline is burnt out and feeling the strain of another incredibly difficult year. The consistent question is when? And how?
From a system perspective we do need better coordination between policy arms, we need to actually remove silos instead of just talking about removing them. Ensuring true collaboration from all areas of policy that’s intersect with the national plan. We need to continue to advocate for legislation of Our Watch media standards. Our frontline services must be robustly funded, so everyone who is seeking help can receive it. We could draft the best legislation in the world but unless we address the bias that exists within the administration of that legislation and thrives in societal attitudes, it would be effort for little change.
Societal attitudes are a complex piece of the puzzle when looking at violence against women and arguably needs to start at a much more granular level.
Yesterday, I was having lunch with my family and a family member told me they had to write up a suspension letter for a student at an all-boys school they work at – he was accessing porn on his school laptop. They needed to supply links to all the sites accessed, I was horrified about the potential for vicarious trauma and immediately asked if they had been offered counselling and a debrief – thankfully they had.
There was then a discussion about if that was necessary or was it being overly cautious. No, it’s not and yes it was, according to the new standards of Respect@Work.
Similarly, I had a conversation with a friend about consent legislation, he couldn’t understand why we need to focus on it “it’s basic, people get you need consent. That just human decency.’’ Howevever, rates of sexual violence and a lack of sexual literacy in what constitutes assault would indicate that people don’t get it. This is the same for when we think about people we know and love. Statistically we all know perpetrators and survivors.
I realized that despite my family and friends having shared beliefs and a deep support of the work I do, there is a disconnect in how we look at drivers of violence, how attitudes and behaviours that thrive within our society that contribute to the normalization of gender based violence.
This is obviously happening in families, communities and within individual lives. There is still a pervasive narrative in popular culture that ‘’women and children lie, and they lie all the time to ruin the lives of men”.
The Australian child maltreatment study showed that of Australians aged 16-65+:
- 32 per cent had experienced physical abuse.
- 28.5 per cent had experienced sexual abuse.
- 30.9 per cent had experienced emotional abuse.
- 39.6 per cent had been exposed to DFSV.
Guess what? Data doesn’t lie.
These statistics paint a horrendous and uncomfortable picture about how we value survivors’ experiences across the nation. However for those who don’t work in the field, a common response to these kinds of statistics is often “that can’t be right” and “it has to be an aberration”.
The notion that people lie about they abuse they’ve experienced also supports this narrative, which is ingrained in our legal system, our media coverage and government. This attitude of suspicion and disbelief permeates our everyday discussions. Harrison James, a survivor and co-founder of You’re Reference Ain’t Relevant, a campaign to remove good character references in sentencing considerations for convicted pedophiles, says that “even if justice is blind, it should not be deaf to the voices of survivors’’. Neither should our whole society.
So, what can we do?
If you want to make change, sit with these statistics, feel uncomfortable with them. Resist the temptation to look for cause and effect and to think “this won’t happen to me, I’m way more careful”. Start from a position of empathy rather than framing what interventions from the victim could have prevented the violence that has occurred.
The simplest thing that anyone can do to make change in domestic family and sexual violence is to start by believing.
When someone discloses they have been a victim of domestic, family, and sexual violence — believe them.
When you read media coverage where domestic, family, and sexual violence cases are discussed — believe the survivor.
What genuinely will go wrong if you believe someone?
Is this enough? Yes. This is how culture change starts. We must be aware of our own biases and potentially harmful cultural norms and challenge them, within ourselves, our families, and our friendship groups.
By calling out these behaviours we have become desensitized to and challenging these ingrained beliefs we are saying that the standard needs to be higher for us all.
If you or someone you know is experiencing, or at risk of experiencing, domestic, family or sexual violence call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, chat online via 1800RESPECT.org.au or text 0458 737 732.
If you are concerned about your behaviour or use of violence, you can contact the Men’s Referral Service on 1300 766 491 or visit www.ntv.org.au.