Dr Cathy Kezelman, President of the Blue Knot Foundation, shares strategies for navigating the holiday season in the face of complex trauma.
The festive season, typically associated with joy and celebration, can pose a significant challenge for those who have experienced repeated violence, abuse, neglect, and exploitation – collectively termed as complex trauma.
For individuals whose families failed to provide a sense of safety and nurture, the gatherings of family and friends during Christmas and other faith-based festivals can prompt unresolved issues to surface. Complexities of family structures and societal expectations can become overwhelming, particularly for the more than 1 in 4 or over 5 million adult Australians grappling with the lasting impacts of complex trauma, often from childhood.
The reality is, many of us find the holiday season challenging due to its frenetic pace. This can be overwhelming for those living with particular sensitivities as a result of past trauma, and with readily triggered nervous systems. It’s important to acknowledge that every emotion you may be feeling during this season is valid and understandable for your unique situation. Navigating feelings of distress, anxiety, or loneliness is not simple, but it’s crucial to recognise them and be compassionate with ourselves. For many trauma survivors, this is easier said than done, but there are strategies available that can offer valuable support.
Strategies for Survivors
Try to prioritise the basics – eat reasonably well, stay hydrated, and get as much rest as you can, while knowing that doing this may not always be easy, and that’s okay. During stressful times, we can all revert to coping strategies which may not be constructive. If possible, try to think about alternative strategies, giving yourself small rewards, and practicing gentle selfcare. These approaches, when combined, can be transformative.
And even though this sounds trite, don’t forget to breathe. Slow, deep breaths in through the nose, and out through the mouth can be a powerful tool in managing overwhelming emotions. During times of stress, it’s easy to unknowingly hold our breath, and this can heighten our feelings of anxiety.
Many of us struggle to articulate our needs, often prioritising the needs of others. That’s because it’s easier to help others than to help ourselves. For survivors, saying ‘no’ can be particularly challenging, yet it’s important to try and set boundaries which are healthy for you. This may involve opting out of events that may exacerbate distress. Try to take time for yourself, engage in activities that bring you comfort and solace, and remember that it’s more than okay to prioritise your wellbeing.
Doing what you can to ground yourself can also help you to feel more secure during challenging times. Survivors can find themselves thrown back into past traumas quite easily. Simple strategies, such as observing your surroundings, noting colours, and listening to sounds, can bring you back to the present. Some people find touching textured objects, listening to soothing music, or vocalising thoughts can reconnect them to the current moment. Stepping out into nature, breathing in fresh air, splashing cold water on your face, and reminding yourself of your safety in the present, can also be grounding for some.
Try to plan if you can, even if it is not easy to do. Anticipate how you will manage different situations to try and feel in control, and reduce any stress you may experience. Consider activities that help you feel relaxed and content, and plan them after particularly challenging events.
If you are facing the prospect of spending the holidays alone – whether by choice or circumstance – you have an opportunity to use the time for self-discovery and self care. Try to engage in activities that bring solace, plan time with someone from your support network, or reach out to a trusted friend, or family member with whom you share a healthy connection.
Most importantly, be kind to yourself. Holidays are tricky for many people, and survivors often struggle with self-compassion. Practice self-kindness and remember that if you need support, organisations like Blue Knot are here for you throughout the holidays.
Effectively managing the holidays if you have experiences of complex trauma involves dedicating yourself to self-compassion and understanding. Try to recognise and acknowledge your emotions, practice healthy boundaries, and use grounding techniques which work for you. See how you can prioritise your wellbeing, and approach the season, with its inevitable ups and downs, with a gentleness toward yourself.
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Blue Knot Foundation provides information and support for anyone who is affected by complex trauma. Complex trauma is repeated, ongoing, and often extreme interpersonal trauma (between people) – violence, abuse, neglect or exploitation experienced as a child, young person and adult.
Blue Knot Helpline and Redress Support Service can be contacted on 1300 657 380. The service operates between 9 am and 5 pm AEDT, 7 days a week, and is in operation throughout the holiday season. All Blue Knot counsellors are experienced trauma counsellors.